I can't believe that I could be so insensitive and ignorant about people's feelings. I always thought that I was different from all the other guys. I just realized that I'm far from special. How could I played wth a thing called trust without knowing how badly my fingers would be burnt? The pictures may be similar but so what?

A fool. A huge one. And I thought I was smart. Streetsmart. Turned out I was one big dumbass.
Why am I so stubborn? Why do I have to be paranoid? Sherlyn won't cheat on me. A bad habit nesting in my brain refusing to get out of me. Like a monster. Look at what it has done. Spoiled a good day for prata and gym. I've ruined everything. Why didn't I think it would happen this way? Guess I'm smart. But not smart enough. What is up with me? An IQ of 114 cannot think of such horrible circumstances? I should be ashamed of myself. An ignorant fool.

Paranoid freak, look at what you've done.

The next time I think of being paranoid, I guess it's time to tell myself I'm thinking nonsense. Worthless crap circulating in my head stopping the flow of thoughts that contain the consequences. That's it. Get rid of all the worthless thoughts. In that way, the consequences can enter my head like a drilling bullet. Let it slap myself awake, get on with my life. Stop this paranoid shit! Think about making life difficult for myself.

The past. Nothing much to talk about. Not completely forgotten, but it's valueable lessons still remain clear in my head. And this new lesson will soon be added to the archives. The rest is complete junk. Nothing special. Everything done with Sherlyn feels better than the past. The first kiss with Sherlyn, felt that she was the first I ever kissed. While my past is filled with sluts and bitches, holding Sherlyn's hand feels like I've never loved anyone before. No one has to be jealous of my past. The present is far more pleasant and how I wish I could change the past and make it like the present. But what's done been done. No use dreading over it. I'm happy for the present. No way I'm gonna let the past affect me!

I'm sorry, Darling. That was really something stupid I did. I've thought of an idea to curb my paranoid self. It's gonna be hard but I'm confident I can do it.

Please forgive me, Baby. I've thought over it. And I've thought over it thoroughly. I don't have to elaborate on that but it did take a while.

I trust you, I really do. Please accept it. I don't mean to spoil the prata. But what's done been done. All I ask is your forgiveness. Please.