The shots don't seem to be falling, even close up. I don't feel in total control of myself anymore. Why is this happening to me? Have I been separated from basketball for too long?
I remember the time when I could cut through anybody. No one could stop me. Get in front of me and that's it. You're getting a shot in the face or you're gonna be following my shadow. Swoosh, that sound so sweet when the ball hits the bottom of the basket. I miss all those times. I could afford to be cocky on the court as nobody could prove me wrong.
This Wednesday is the Youth Cup. Please, God. I ask for your mercy and bless me with my past skills. I want to shine this year. It's my last year in the cup. I want to win. I want to give my all for my team and for victory. I don't understand what's happening to me. I don't usually take that long to regain my form. Something is wrong. Heavenly Father, please guide me during the game.
I won't pray for 50 points, nor last minute buzzer beaters. I just pray that everyone on the court will play their best and be kept safe at all time. That's the only thing I ask for. Please let everybody enjoy the game, no matter win or lose.
I have waited 2 years for this moment. Why do I see it as a threat to me? I want to play well.
I shall put all thoughts aside. My ego, pride and selfishness aside. I shall play for my team. I shall do everything it takes for the win. Heavenly Father, please give me strength and courage to pull this off. It's my last cup. I want to shine...
So many project coming up and the youth cup is just next week. My team is filled with people who are lazy and can't do work. At least some bothered to do something. This is just stressful. I find myself working alone for EFMA as Marcus and Shawn claim that they don't understand how to calculate ratios. I guess I'll have to analyse everything too. I shall try to finish this project this Sunday.
So much unhappiness and stress the past few days. I'm glad the unhappiness is gone. Just wish that they don't come back again. I hate it when i get lousy grouping for my projects. I'm always having 1 less person than the others. It's just so irrating. It's tough doing it alone.
Since I'm not meeting Baby this Sunday, I'll try to finish up as much work as I can. Really hope to go get a drink with my bro at night. I need some time off. Just can't wait for the 2-holiday where Baby and I can catch up on some love time. It's so hard to find a day just to go out and slack around. I miss those days. I guess school work is more important sometimes. We'll just have to bear with it.
I wish I had 30 hours a day....
Started the sixth month early in the morning by playing basketball with my coach. Improved my shooting a little and learnt to use my body when coming into contact with centers. Was freakin' tired, especially with a bruised back and an infected throat. Her face was red and her eyes were like bloodshot. Shouldn't have brought Baby there. We chatted for a while and made our way home at 10pm. Baby slept in the bus. Sent her till the bushes and I had to hide. I knew her mom would use her boyfriend radar on me. After that I had the little arguement with my parents. Guess they're just concerned about me. Youth Cup is just around the corner. I don't care if anybody motivates me. I don't care if anyone watches me play. It's just me and basketball. After this I'll have a break from trainings and just play for fun. This is important to me... I don't need anything to make me give my 100 percent...
Went for a quick shower and did some work before going for piano practice. Got selected to perform Melodies Of Life for a mini concert sometime in July. Saturday Night Live!
Met Dearie at Suntec City convention hall with all the A team people. Showed my enthusiam by toasting with a sick cocktail of pepper, sugar, cream, orange juice, sprite and whatever they put in there. After we went to buy some facial stuff. I got myself a Fasio Foundation Gel.
We then went to have dinner at Plaza Singapura.
The Fish & Co at the glass house has a bar so we decided to go there.
It's a pretty cool place with decent people, I think. I had a Sweet Manhatton and Baby had Sex on the Beach. Mine is like freakin' strong. First time I took that drink. Baby was drunk after a while. Maybe not drunk, but she was kinda high.
Got a throat infection. I think it's due to all the fried food and shouting during basketball matches.
Fell on my back yesterday while playing basketball. Had a friendly match today and we won.
Youth cup matches to be schedules on the 31st May, 5th June and 11th June. All to be played at night.
Seventeen was out and I flipped to the Summer Hunk section. I simply couldn't stop cursing and swearing. Men with very nice skin, great espression were in the contest but their freakin' bodies are crap! Chestless, abless, bicepless whatever you wanna call it. It's just an insult to Singaporean men! And they even got a few mixed blood and a japanese. Alright, the mixblood and the jap were quite good looking but look at their bodies man! Do they even know what a gym is?
Shine models, shine models, shine models.....
This phrase just keeps ringing everything I walk pass a magazine stand. I just want it so badly. There's a point when someone is simply confident of himself. That's where I am now. Rock-hard-solid foundation of unshakeable confidence!
It's just demoralizing when freelancers don't wanna shoot guys. They only want girls. Girls, girls and more girls. Naked, bikini, sex fashion... That's all they ever want! I'm just so freakin' jealous. Everyone is getting all their paid shoots and stuff. Everyone's telling me I have to be in an agency to succeed. Do I ever look like I have the fucking money to pay for my portfolio?
I guess I'm getting nowhere now. What am I going to do? Just approach Shine and let them ask me to pay cash? Damn it. Why is it so hard to be a model when so many ugly freaks are becoming one!!!!????
Yea.. I'm a model.. a Freelance one... fuck...
School life used to be such a pain in the ass when my classmates where a bunch of motherfucking assholes. I was alone and only had my Baby beside me. It was tough sitting in class with a group of people I don't wish to associate with. I had no friends at all. All that was left was Baby, family, music and basketball to keep my life going.
Parents, parents, parents. What a wonderful mind they have. So wonderful that even my intelligence can't drill a hole into and understand one bit of it. Maybe I've never been in their shoes. Or is it most parents get a permanent head damage after having kids?
Overslept till about 1130 so I had to hurry to get to basketball training. Was on form today as I was sinking shots beyond the arc but my group was kinda sucky so we had to be punished for coming in last to score 75 3-pointers. Did rapid jumps 30 times. Hate it when I lose sometimes. We revised tatics and strategies for a long while and went to run 2.4km. Freakin' tiring man. When we got back, we did a lot of pushups and sit ups. Tournament's around the corner. I'm gonna make an impression. Sweetheart, I miss you a lot. I guess my confidence may be down but don't worry. I'll definitely pull it up. It's already near where it was now. I need to see you fulfill your responsibilities, Baby. I will strive to fulfill mine too. Confidence is a 2 way thing. It's gonna be 6 months soon. Im excited baby. I'll be your longest boyfriend then. I'll be yours forever....
What more can I say? I'm so happy to see that. I love you, Baby. Please just make sure it stays that way. 18 years old marks a stage where one matures. I was so shy about publiszing my 18th birthday as I felt so immature. I still do anyway. Don't let me down, Baby. I don't wanna run out of gas... I love you!
Things seem to be picking up from there. After putting in much effort in trying to blend in, I found myself in the picture of the class, not someone who participates in their activities but someone who seem to be able to have fun with all sorts of people. I realized that humbling myself down really does wonders. I feel more comfortable going to class now. Only a certain few are still an eyesore but school life is more than just them. Learning to mix with everyone is gonna benefit me in NS as well as my working life.
Met a new friend and his name is Dale. Got so much in common and our thinking is almost similar. I bet my ass he'll make a good friend. Hard to come by people who actually think the why you do. Gives really good advice and makes a damn good companion. I hope to meet more of this kinda people to make friends with. They simply play a big part of your life.
School work is getting me pissed. I have got such a "great" group for EFMA. I guess I'll have to only depend on 2 people to contribute to the project. The teacher said she'll mark leniently on us but I still wanna do my best to get an A.
Apparently, Baby's mom seem to have something big against me. Recently, she wanted Baby to end our relationship. What a selfish thing to do. According to Baby, her mom has got a very low level of intelligence so I guess we won't have to give a shit about what she said. At least her dad is keeping quiet and not siding her mom. It'll be complete chaos if he did. I can tell that her dad likes a quite a bit from the way he spoke to me. I still don't get why her mom hates me? Is it my hair? My face? My dressing? Seriously, I don't give a damn shit if she hates me for those reasons. I'm who I am and people should like me for who I am. At least I'm not like any other Singaporean guy who doesn't know what they want in their future. I have got more charm, confidence and a brighter future than any of them. Fuck those who don't know me and hate me for no fucking reason.
I'm in school right now. Gotta go now. Lecture's starting. Time to zzzzz.. HAhahhaha. kidding..RUNWAY scheduled at 8:40 AM
Actually, I do know some stuff. Sometimes parents want to show their love and concern for their kids but they don't know how to go around doing it. And in the end everything goes chaotic for the kids. And they simply think that they've done a great job and feel so fucking good about themselves. Wonderful.
Guess this trend exists in her family. Some tell me that it's a lie, loving family like this won't treat their children like this, she's just making things hard and trying to break up. Some tell me there are such unreasonable beings in the world. Some tell me that she's not being strong for me. The way I see it, definitely a way once a will. No parent can send their children overseas without the child's signature. NO fucking way. After that it all depends on how strong the kid is. Are you going to suffer for nothing? Are you going to give up on everything? Things like this question your love ones on how much they mean to you. Are you going to fight for them?
I ever questioned myself: Why not get another girl?
I know that if i set my eyes on a girl, I'll just work my magic and she's mine. That's my level of confidence. I can always get a sexier, hornier, wealthier, funnier chick who has got an open family to welcome me with open arms. So many of these girls on the streets nowadays. I choose to go for the negative side of this question. I'm just strong in my relationship. To just let go is a complete waste. All the shit I went through will mean nothing already. Why let myself be stressed and bothered over her family problems? It's pulling you down. I'm so sorry because I'm no weakling.
It's time I be strong. Able to pick up, able to let go. Rock hard confidence is what I shall aquire in the next few days.
Just this afternoon a sudden burst of agony entered my pathetic little heart. I was weak. I couldn't take failures. Burst into tears. Parents got so worried for me. And then I thought, I shouldn't be crying, I should be strong. If my girlfriend chooses to be weak then why should I? If 2 parties are weak, nothing can be accomplished. Well, it did bring bright rewards. Everything was back to normal, well, ALMOST normal....
This is the new Gerald: Quiet, keeps to himself, unapproachable but at the same time strong, confident and faithful to his loved ones and friends. I don't care if i'm treated unfairly, because if you mean nothing to me, nothing you do will shake me.
I hope you guys like the new me....RUNWAY scheduled at 1:29 AM
Was late meeting Dale today. Meet him at Yamaha and we showed each other our musical talent. Mom and Dad were at Plaza Singapura too so I introduced Dale to them. After that we went to do some window shopping and we saw 2 really cool blazers. Oh ya, by the way, I've just got the coolest white blazer fom U2, thanks to my Sweetheart. Dale and I MAY be getting them so that we can like trade after we get sick of one of them.
We played some arcade games. He thought me how to drift on Daytona. It was fun.
We then had dinner and went to drink coffee at Starbucks. This dude really has got the same thinking as I have. Very rare to find a friend like that since Singaporean men are just so.. yucks. We should hang out more often man. I guess I've foundly found a guy that I can call friend.
After Starbucks we had a beer together. Throat was freakin' dry.
11.30pm already, it was freakin' late, so we parted ways and I made my way home. Met my childhood friend in the train. Talked about some old times.
And then I saw this:
Just what the hell is wrong with these banglas?RUNWAY scheduled at 2:05 AM
RUNWAY scheduled at 1:23 AM
